Keeping with the tradition of highly frequent blog updates, here’s another highly frequent blog update! I’m heading to San Francisco tomorrow for the illustrious Game Developers Conference, a show that brings together loads of game-industry folks and those who would someday very much like to be game-industry folks for a few days of panels, lectures, workshops, drinking and drinking. It’s going to be great to catch up with some of the journalistic types I haven’t seen in a long time.

This year’s a bit different than in the past: I’m not actually being paid to go there! Instead, I’m heading down solely to fulfill my own selfish desires: yell at people in the halls to tell them how awesome Empire Avenue is; throw some free-game codes for GOG.com around like they’re going out of style (which they’re not); go hang out at the Paradox suite to mooch whatever freebies I can; and to try and drum up some more business for Evolve PR. That last one’s kind of an interesting one.

I have to admit that I’ve been ridiculously (perhaps even ridonkulously) busy lately. The prospect of bringing on even more business kind of makes me cry. But I do have a big, evil, master plan: I’m also going to spend my time trying to find someone to help out. That’s right — Evolve is expanding. I’ve got a few folks in mind, but really, if you happen to read this, are a highly experienced PR/marketing rep in the games industry, and will be in San Francisco this week, shoot me an email or tackle me on the street. Alternatively, if you’re a PR Director, VP of Marketing or whatever else, be sure to wear your best shoulder pads, because there’s a good chance I’ll knock you over and throw a business card in your face. It may not be the most effective bizdev tactic, but I’m not about to actually… you know… set up meetings, print out all sorts of fancy brochures, perfect a sales pitch and try to woo you with my eloquence. That shit’s so 1996.

I hope to actually do some blog updates from SF, as I should have plenty of time on my hands…. again, my highly effective business-development practices don’t take a lot of time… but if I don’t, try not to miss me too much.

For this entry we go back a couple of months to a little Dr. Seuss-inspired massterpiece of pooetry.

Twas a near-perfect day in the Land of Nice Smells
Among flowers and honey the people would dwell
The scent of fresh cookies came in with the swells
But something was stirring in the Land of Nice Smells.

Like so many others in the Land of Nice Smells
Here is a girl, let’s call her Michelle
She can’t tell just why, but she doesn’t feel well
Yes, something is grumbling inside of Michelle.

“How could this be? My gut feels like hell!”
Poor little girl by the name of Michelle.
Allow me a minute or two, and I’ll tell
What’s stirring and grumbling in the Land of Nice Smells.

You see, with Michelle, that far too much fiber
Or garlic or beans or legumes provide her
With the sense that some force now fights to divide her
As something quite rotten starts growing inside her.

Inside the stomach I churn and I boil
Mixed with the food that’s started to spoil
Down through intestines I twist and I coil
Her face now expresses her inner turmoil.

Now I’ve never really claimed to be much of a thinker
But in the Land of Nice Smells, the posies are pinker
The minks are much minker, the ink is just… inker.
Nothing bad happens, nobody’s a drinker.
But dammit, it seems I will will be quite the stinker
Down through the colon and out through the sphincter.

Give it up for the accent.

So today the mighty M is launching its McCafé brand in the US (I don’t know if I’ll get a chance to savor the flavors up here in Canada), bringing “quality espresso-based coffee” to its restaurants nationwide. They’re trying to take a bite (or gulp, if you will) out of the lucrative coffee market dominated by the likes of Starbucks and whatever other local mega-chain you have around your parts. Will it work, though?

Starbucks has been forced to close lots of shops because of decreasing demand (and overexpansion), so why would McDonald’s try to jump in now? In today’s economy, I can only imagine that higher-priced coffee is one of the first things to get chopped from people’s lists of daily purchases. Have you ever been to a McDonald’s in the prime coffee-drinking morning? It’s either people like me — hungover and ripping through the drive-thru for a full-day supply of Sausage McMuffins — or old people buying their 35-cent “senior coffee” and milking it for all the free refills they can get. I just don’t see the $5-venti-triple-soy-latte-drinking power executive stopping in at Mickey D’s on the way to his next big high-powered meeting.

I’ve seen McCafé in Europe, and the usually-discerning Europeans seem to have no problems buying espresso there… but I have a hard time associating “quality” with the McDonald’s brand. It’s always been the place to go for gluttonous, cheap meals the day after a ridiculous rum-and-tequila bender. If I want gourmet, I’ll go somewhere fancy… like Arby’s or something. That’s a big hurdle for McDonald’s to overcome.

They’ll do their best, though, in the only way corporate America really knows: bein’ baller and throwin’ cheddar. They’re set to launch a $100-million marketing campaign, which seems to be centered around the slogan, “Give it up for the accent.” Ah, wonderful; American marketers once again prove why they’re the best: they can distill a new brand that should be all about “good coffee” into a lame gimmick. Yeah, that’ll sell coffee. The website shows a few skits that convey the difference that little é makes… and… well… they don’t have much to do with coffee or quality or value or anything. I just don’t get it.

What do you think?